Gross – that’s how I felt about most of the college football I saw on Saturday. Admittedly, a lot of that stemmed from several of my monster pick’em league picks going south at the very end – I’m looking at you Texas, Tennessee, and Clemson. I also understand that perspective can vary based on your team affiliation and their game’s outcome. For example, I’m sure Alabama and Tennessee fans were elated with their team’s performance. Those who bet on Tennessee… maybe not so much – thanks for allowing that backdoor cover, Vols.

Ole Miss and Kentucky played lethargic, and Georgia made me eat almost every word I typed about them last week. Further west, dude cheerleaders rejoiced, while those of the ‘plastic pig hat’ persuasion were left bewildered. Also, I am unsure if I have the wit or vocabulary to properly access the crap show that was the Auburn and Missouri contest. Fortunately for you, I’m going to try.

Is College Football Drunk?

There was so much ugly football played on Saturday that the question above is the only conclusion a reasonable fan could draw. I crown Georgia king of “Joyless Murder Ball”, and they give up 22 points to Kent St. I bragged about their discipline and attitude. They looked unfocused and had multiple carless turnovers. Meanwhile, Kirby Smart said he felt the team got better after that game. Seriously?! You got better by playing lackadaisical? That’s some serious “Aunt Kirby” spin.

Meanwhile Ole Miss and Kentucky were slopping through their warmup games ahead of their big showdown this Saturday. Ole Miss played one solid quarter, putting up 28 points in the second, and went through the motions the rest of the way. Jaxon Dart has established himself as the Rebel’s QB1, but the kid may get himself killed if he keeps looking for defenders to run over. There is no denying he has won the team and he plays with the swagger Kiffin likes in a signal caller.

Quinshon Judkins went for 140 on the ground. I’m telling you if you don’t already know, this kid is special. Meanwhile, the defense struggled to stop the run ­– which is alarming considering Kentucky gets Chris Rodriguez back this weekend. However, this is the same Tulsa squad that had a 4th quarter lead over Ohio St. last year. They can give you fits if they are taken lightly – at least that’s what I’m telling myself to feel better.

The Wildcats didn’t fare much better against Northern Illinois, winning by only one score. Sloppy play and turnovers – a theme for the day – kept this game close. Again, maybe you can chalk both performances up to the classic trap game. The Rebels and Kats better hope that’s the case.

We’ve Got a Heisman Battle

Seriously, Alabama has two legit Heisman candidates on the same team. That’s absurd and kind of unfair. Young had 300 yards passing before you had time to get a “Denny Dog” at the concession stand. Do you enjoy watching a player embarrass the man in front of them every snap? I present to you Will Anderson. Seriously, I know it’s human nature to follow the ball. But do yourself a service and focus on Will from snap to finish for a few plays. It’s absurd the havoc he causes on every single snap.

Alabama – who looked unfocused at times the week prior – turned on machine mode against hapless Vanderbilt. Funny how they do that every time you think there is a chink in the Bama armor. Let’s be real, Bama and Georgia are head and shoulders above the rest of the league. Winning isn’t the question from week to week. It’s how they win. Unfortunately, or fortunately – most teams would trade places in a heartbeat – overanalyzing how soundly you beat teams is the nature of the beast when you are this good.

Now, back to this Heisman trophy deal…

“You always score with a Hooker…”

…or so I was told on our Saturday Morning Cocktail Kickoff Show last weekend. Seriously, if you haven’t been paying attention, Hendon Hooker is on fire. He threw for 350 yards and added another 111 with his feet against the Gators. Tennessee’s offense looks unstoppable right now and Hooker is squarely in the Heisman conversation. However, there is an elephant in the room – no not Bama – and that’s the Vol defense. As if giving up the backdoor cover to screw me and all my buddies wasn’t enough, you let Florida’s Anthony Richardson throw for 450 yards and 2 touchdowns. That should be very sobering on a weekend that was assuredly full of libations. With that said, the Vols remind me of Ole Miss last year, a lot of cardiac wins that leads to a 10-win type season. You know who is NOT having a 10-win season?

Indian Burial Ground Rises from the Dead

Missouri lost and they’re pissed. Auburn “won” and they’re pissed. And that, my friends, is the magic of college football. Honest question Auburn fans. Did that feel like a win? Like, when you walked out of the stadium or turned off the tv… did it feel good? I can’t imagine it did. Missouri literally gave the game away… twice! Hey at least you know that Indian Burial Ground magic isn’t completely gone. But it must be sobering that you needed it to escape Missouri.

The Best of the Rest

Texas A&M – The Friday Night Cult Ritual sacrifice worked! Apparently, the exact amount of required “arm grab sway back gestures” were offered to the football gods. That is the only explanation for that oblong shaped pigskin to be able to hit the very top of the field goal post and bounce backwards. That wasn’t a win, it was an Arkansas loss. Poor Arkansas, I would feel bad, but as an Ole Miss fan that was subjected to 4th and 25… I really don’t.

Bad news for both. The Aggies could only score 16 points against a horrible Arkansas defense. The scoreboard read 23, but 7 of those points came on a ridiculous defensive score. Arkansas, you have a horrible defense and still barely lost a very winnable game. That loss could completely reshape your season, and to make matters worse, you have the Tide coming to town on Saturday.

Mississippi State – The Bulldogs deserve some props. After losing a heartbreaker in Death Valley seven days prior, no one would have been shocked if they let it affect their play against Bowling Green. Instead, they pounded them from the start, and it was never a game. State’s defense is better than Arkansas, and the pigs literally had to give the game to A&M. The Bell Ringers have a real shot to redeem their LSU loss against a very average A&M team. The Aggies have a solid defense but if the State receivers can hang on to the ball, look out.

Pettey’s Super Scientific Rankings

  1. Georgia – This is your get out of jail free card Dawgs.
  2. Alabama – Bama obviously upset with my rankings took it out on poor Vandy.
  3. Tennessee – Hooker prices are rising in Knoxville.
  4. Kentucky – Heading to Oxford, can they hold on to this spot?
  5. Ole Miss – Rebs will have to play more than 1 quarter to be Kentucky.
  6. Florida – Napier had the Gators playing until the end in Knoxville.
  7. LSU – Somebody has to be 7th.
  8. Texas A&M – Solid D bad O.
  9. Mississippi State – Nice acquittal with chance at redemption in Stark Vegas.
  10. Arkansas – That defense is a problem for the hogs.
  11. South Carolina – Cream of the crap starts here.
  12. Auburn – This is as bad as I’ve seen Auburn and I remember Ben Laird.
  13. Missouri – I have never seen a team refuse to win like the Missouri Tigers did at Auburn.
  14. Vanderbilt – Back on the bottom. Home Sweet Home!


Ian Bears Down

Well, I am preparing for my first hurricane as a Flroidaman. We are as prepped as possible and now hope for the best. Godspeed to all my fellow Floridians and those in the path of the storm. As always, I’m appreciative and amazed if anyone has made it this far. If you have you may as well take it one crazy step further and subscribe to our awesome podcast, Week Zero Sports & Other Stuff and our YouTube channel for our Saturday Morning Cocktail Kickoff Show! We have some great guests lined up already!

See you next week!