Look, I realize my ponderings probably became a part of your weekly entertainment. It might have made you laugh, made you think I was dumb, or maybe even moved you to tears. However, had I known it was the only thing keeping America together – a lot like The Dude’s rug that really ‘tied the room together’, I would have never taken a five-week hiatus.

Holy crap, I give you knuckleheads no material for a month, and everyone starts watching politics and losing their minds. I know some of you are saying, “Pettey, are you giving yourself a little too much credit here?” To that I say, look at the timeline, and make your own judgement!

With that said, I have some sports to discuss. It has been a few weeks, and we’ve had some madness in the world of college football. We’ve also seen some familiarity return to our lives, whether we like it or not. After a year like 2020, many of you may find comfort in seeing things return to normal… after all, 2020 was the first year that Bama didn’t make the playoffs and look what happened.

On to my ponderings…

Dogs Kicking Hurricanes & Pirate Selfies

And this was just post game. Our favorite enemies over at Miss. State beat a solid Tulsa bunch in nasty weather on a day where their young QB took another step forward in The Pirate’s offense, giving the program some optimism to build upon. However, what will be remembered is some jackleg from state kicking a dude in the head and running away like Smokey in Friday. Then to top it off, he bragged about it on social media. It’s questionable if the coach bore witness to any of these shenanigans as he was in the stands winning over the fan base with selfies. Clanga clanga!

One last note to my Bulldog Brethren, you’re not helping the “you’re the instigators” routine you played with us Rebels when you are brawling with the mighty Tulsa Hurricanes in the Fort Worth Bowl. However, things are looking up, and I expect the Egg Bowl to mean a little more than bragging’ rights over the next few years. It also appears that Kiffin and Leach aren’t going to let their relationship get as toxic as Hugh and Dan did. I’m looking forward to that aspect of Mississippi Football.

Anyone else notice the logo for the Cotton Bowl was a flying shoe?

Because I sure did. I’m pretty sure Mullen started making up his asinine excuses as soon as he noticed that sure fire loss omen. For those who need a reminder, it was the Florida player throwing the shoe of an LSU player that “cost” them a chance at the playoffs. I put cost in quotes because let’s be real… you don’t have to be a tarot card reader to know Saban would beat Mullen for the “whatever number” time he has been on the opposing sideline.

Florida got predictably smoked. If you have been paying any attention, this outcome was predictable. Boomer Sooner installed some freak at line-backer at mid-season, and since then, they have been dominating the B12. There’s also the mostly southerly opinion that “Florida threw in the towel.” However, Mullen’s excuse train following that game should get him thrown out of the SEC. For a league that prides itself on “It Just Means More”, he seemed to not give a shit. On top of that, neither did his players, considering most of their star pass catchers opted out for greener pastures in the NFL. The final nail in his coffin, in my opinion, was his “proud of his scout team” comment. News flash, the Mississippi teams weren’t making excuses when their sidelines looked like Michael’s high school in the 90’s (thin). No coach loses worse than Cousin Eddie, the resemblance is uncanny, and he seems to keep topping himself.

I question how long the Florida brass tolerates him in the absence of big wins on the field. Winning the big one has plagued Mullen during his tenure as a head coach, the team he coaches for now is far less forgiving than his prior employer, in that regard.

I Move to Tampa and the Rebs Follow

Coincidence, I think so… completely. This makes even more sense considering the last time the Rebs played in a Florida Bowl, I was 10. Fun fact: I went to that one as well. In that game, I got to watch the last wide receiver to win the Heisman (prior to this year) catch what seemed like 6 touchdowns. It’s funny how the Heisman curse doesn’t seem to impact receivers… go figure.

I digressed, back to 2021. On this day, the Rebearsharks™ were victorious while facing what I consider the second-best team in the B1G – which means it’s fact. In what seemed like an insurmountable task for the beleaguered and decimated Rebel offense – and warm butter like defense – the game turned out to be a day of glorious celebration for those of the Hotty Toddy nation. The Rebel defense held the Hoosiers to 20 points, which may have been a clue into how the CFB National Title might play out, and the offense without it’s key weapons did just enough to out last Indiana. Newsflash… Kiffin can coach, and he appears to have learned a thing or two from the GOAT during his time at the Capstone.

Speaking of the GOAT!

Debates are over, the field will be one day named after him in Tuscaloosa. Nick Saban is the undisputed greatest coach to ever do it, and we are fortunate enough to get to witness it. For my generation living in Alabama, we spent close to 30 years hearing what it was like to witness the greatest coach of all time, one Paul “Bear” Bryant. At some point, because who knows when this juggernaut comes to a close, we will be the story tellers. What Saban has accomplished is hard to fathom in the midst of it all, and that’s the sad thing for those on the outside – and a delight to those in Crimson.

The debate now is which team was his best and whether this last instalment the greatest of them all. It’s hard to argue against it, considering the Heisman could have been given to three different players from the Tide offense without much complaining. Seriously, think about that for a second as I whisper, “the guy who won it wasn’t considered the best at his position… on his own team when the season started.” It’s a freakshow embarrassment of riches.

Mac Jones played the last half of the Championship with out the top four targets from his signing class, two went pro and two were injured, if you’re at home counting on your fingers. That did nothing to stop the Bama Machine from scoring. Najee’s hurdle over the Golden Domer and behind the back one-handed catch will be engrained in our football brains forever. Enough gushing. This team is in the GOAT conversation. Saban isn’t… he is the conversation.

Around the rest of the football world!

I have to give one last shout out to Riley Cole of South Alabama. From small town Oneonta, Cole blew up in his Junior and Senior season at South Alabama. Making the preseason Butkus watch list for the top line-backer in the country capped off by an invitation to the Senior Bowl, the college All-Star game. Well played my friend! We can’t wait to interview you on our show one day.

For Once I Play Teacher

I will attempt to give grades to conferences based off this crazy season’s bowl performances. I mainly wanted to do this because my co-host on the podcast, who everyone on the planet should listen to, read an article giving bowl grades that was absolutely moronic. And he let the writer know.

So, I feel the need to rectify this lunacy. TLDR (to long didn’t read), the idiot gave the ACC, the conference of the mighty 0-6 bowl record and equally stunning 1-5 against the spread a C-. I wish this rocket scientist graded my papers growing up. I would have been the freaking valedictorian. Well maybe not, the Valedictorian would have then had a 6.0.

East Ocean Conference (ACC)

ACC you get an F minus. You didn’t win a single game, you fail, period. That is how grades work. You miss 6 of 6 on a test you get a zero. You were also favored in several of these games. This is hard evidence that you were O–VER RA–TED.

The Big 1 G

B1G, your best team lost in the title and beat Clemson. That’s admirable after only playing seven games, I guess. Your second-best team lost to unranked Ole Miss. Your third best team struggled with a mediocre Auburn squad. C+

I would be remiss if I didn’t take a moment to thank the Michigan Wolverines, you freaking idiots, for giving the walking punchline and completely below average Jim Harbaugh a contract extension. Thank you from the bottom of our sarcastic souls. Week Zero Podcast will have great material for a few more years.

Pac-2

That’s it, Pac-2, they played in two bowls, and lost. There are 1000 bowls and they played in two. Goober in the article somehow gave them a D+. Again, I wish he were my teacher in the good ‘ol days. F!

Conference of Champions (See Bama and then a bunch of other folks)

I mean they wake up in the morning and piss excellence. A-, would have been a plus if not for the Plainsmen and Jort nation. Florida fans wear jorts, look it up.

Hey Bo Pelini got fired! Who saw that coming? Not me! In other man lands on the moon, I can’t believe it, the Gus Bus is no longer leading the charge on the Native American Burial Ground. Even less shocking, Auburn was completely unprepared for a coaching search after spending 21 million to start one… brilliant.

Speaking of brilliant, South Carolina completely blew an opportunity to hire an up a coming stud from their back yard in Jamey Chadwell at Costal Carolina and really jazzed the fanbase with Shane Beamer. Heads up Cock reporters, keep that coaching hot board on standby, this will be a short ride.

Final Apologies

Sorry to my fellow short attention spanners for the lengthy ponderings today. It’s been a while,  so cut me some slack. If you made it this far, and I surely hope you enjoyed. If not, let us know on Facebook or Twitter.

Finally, LISTEN TO THE PODCAST! We are coming back for season 3 after a rocky COVID-19 season 2 with some new ideas, and we hope you join us on the ride. Next up, live, on location podcast from Lake Tahoe! If you’re not aware, they have casinos. Game on!