It can be taxing to come up with a new cliché every week to describe the awesomeness of last Saturday. It’s college football. The only time it isn’t good is the off season. Look no further than America’s – or at least the Carolina’s – new sweetheart Appalachian St. One week after knocking off the cult of College Station, they walk off the Troy Trojans with a hail-mary. An exciting brand of football is being played by the “hillbillies” in Boone.

The haves and the have nots are starting to separate themselves a little more in the rugged SEC. Houston…er… Auburn, we have a problem – several really. However, a few teams still need to be tested before final determinations are made – I’m looking at you Ole Miss. Let’s break it down, shall we?

Joyless Murder Ball

The title of this section is a term that caught fire through the Alabama nation during the last several years. It was used when describing the way the Tide handles business on Saturdays in the fall. To their credit they have earned and owned the title for years. However, they may have to earn it back. It appears the Georgia Bulldogs – after knocking the proverbial monkey off their back in the National Title last year – also likes to play that brand of football. And right now, they appear to be doing it a little better.

Georgia is playing in the machine-like fashion we are accustomed to seeing from Alabama. Mistake free games that are over by the half… against conference foes. Granted, South Carolina, backed by the might of their student section the “Cock Pit”, appeared to put up the fight of a limp noodle. This doesn’t change the fact that Georgia plays fast, and relentless, and they beat the life out of their opponents – Joyless Murder Ball.

Look, I’m not some Colin Cowherd idiot, that is saying dumb stuff like the Dynasty is over or Georgia is the new king. Nope. I’m just saying if Bama wants the title above back, they are going to have to take it. Lucky for them they have the guns to do it but…

Alabama was Being Very Un-dude

Sorry you are going to have to have a little pop culture in you to understand this one as I don’t have the time or word space to explain the masterpiece that is the Big Lebowski. If you do, good. You’re normal. If not, just know this is a movie reference…

The score wasn’t un-dude, it was the way the Tide arrived at the score. More times than not these games have been a brand of the aforementioned joyless murder ball. Part of the ‘joyless’ is the fact it can become a boring brand of machine football against most of their opponents. Shockingly that wasn’t always the case against the Warhawks on Saturday. Now it wasn’t anything crazy like Saban’s first game for the Tide against ULM – sorry it’s one of Bama’s few low-hanging fruits – but there were moments where the team appeared to take ULM for granted. That’s not something you generally see from a Nick Saban squad. During one play in particular, Bryce Young saw defender underneath that he apparently didn’t respect. This is a wide-open pass he would normally complete in his sleep – and he tossed an interception. Here’s the deal – when it comes to Bama, you have to nitpick because we know how this usually ends. Also, I’m good at nitpicking.

Sent the Yellow Jackets to a Watery Grave

The boys form Oxford stole a line from the Million Dollar Band’s “Yeah Alabama”, as Ole Miss bludgeoned Georgia Tech in Atlanta. Seriously, that game may have put the dagger in head coach Geoff Collins career – if the local media outcry is to be believed.

Ole Miss racked up more rushing yards by half time than Clemson had against them for the entire game. There is a subliminal message there – see if you get it. Ole Miss chose to run the ball on something like 26 of the first 30 plays – because they could do it, not because it was all they could do. Zack Evans and Quinshon Judkins are legit running backs. And when Jaxson Dart needed to throw, he looked capable – especially when targeting the beast that is Mingo. However, he wasn’t asked to throw it much.

That was a great segue into my “I still have a few questions for the Rebs” section. I’m curious to see how Ole Miss looks when someone inevitably slows down the run and forces them to the air. The Ole Miss defense, through three games, has given up 13 points. The lone touchdown came in garbage time against Troy.

Here’s a hot take: the Rebels will eventually face better offenses. Tulsa brings the leading passing offense in the country to Oxford this weekend and Will Levis will lead Kentucky into town the following week. How will they fare? Luckily, we will find out soon, but I think I know what I saw Saturday. I saw a team that can make some serious noise in the – maybe not as powerful – SEC West this year.

A Walk Around the League

Texas A&M – Congrats on your ugly win over an overrated Miami team. The offense still struggled outside of Achane – who is a freak. The defense has talent and – credit where credit is due – DJ Durkin is a good Defensive Coordinator. This team is just kind of weird, they should be so much better but… Jimbo.

Speaking of weird. I may have to walk back my Yell Practice criticism. After some research I discovered they’ve had several notable speakers at this event through the years like legendary cult stars Jim Jones, David Koresh, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, and even Charlie Manson himself spoke before the ‘68 Texas game. Maybe not, but the fact that you believed it for just a minute should say enough about the Aggies.

Mississippi State – It’s very ironic that a punt return saved the LSU Tigers this week after what happened against Florida State. This time the Bengal Tigers were the beneficiary of a Mississippi State muffed punt at a very inopportune time. The momentum of the game changed instantly, and the contest was effectively over at that moment. Death Valley came alive and there was no coming back for the Bulldogs. No team feeds off its fans more than the one on the bayou. But if we are being honest, it wasn’t just the punt drop that sealed State’s fate. It was the other – seemingly 50 – drops on short crossing routes that killed drives throughout the game. Those routes are the lifeblood of the Pirate’s offense, and those plays have to be made for that offense to work.

I admittedly was stunned by this outcome. Now I’m intrigued to see the direction both teams go from here. LSU’s Daniels is an average passer. I’m not sure their offense works against the better defenses in the league with him at the helm. But there is no denying there is some talent on the sidelines in purple and gold.

Auburn – I’m not going to sugar coat this, you have surpassed dumpster fire status. At least in a dumpster fire the trash all gets burned and you get to start over – see Ole Miss after Freeze. The problem at Auburn is the trash never gets burned. The trash has all the money and calls all the shots. Until that changes this cycle doesn’t end. Speaking of stuff burning and Freeze – to Auburn? The smoke is there and it’s not coming from the massage parlors.

Tennessee – Since taking over as the starting QB at Tennessee Hendon Hooker has been absurdly proficient – throwing for over 40 touchdowns versus 2 interceptions. The Vols offense is rolling, and this weekend their rivals from the Swamp arrive on Rocky Top. Gameday thought enough of this matchup to follow.

The Florida Gators narrowly escaped lowly South Florida at home last week and the blueprint is out on stopping their offense. If the Vols take care of business – and I have a hunch they will – we could be treated to some monster, classic SEC matchups. The third Saturday in October is now just a month away and I can’t remember the last time that was a top 10 matchup. It’s been a minute since Bama / UT was must see for the entire country.

Arkansas – WOAH Pig Sooie. I’m not sure how many were playing attention, but not only did Arkansas almost get upset by Missouri St., it was Bobby Pertino leading the charge. I had no idea he was their coach until I flipped over to see if a crazy upset may take place. Alas, the Pigs survived and now face the Aggies in Dallas. Something tells me they were overlooking Petrino’s bunch, and who can blame them? They were probably terrified at the thought of all the third grade insults the cult leaders in overalls will hurl at them during Friday night’s Yell Practice…

The Hog’s secondary is bad but I’m not sure A&M can take advantage. The Pigs play well in Jerry World. I’m predicting a lot of Hog Calls in Dallas.

Pettey’s Super Scientific Rankings

After countless simulations on NCAA 2014, with current rosters, a concrete ranking has been produced.

The Table

  1. Georgia – Joyless Murder Ball Captain
  2. Alabama – Want’s their Ball Back

Fighting for a place at the table

  1. Kentucky – N. Illinois could be a small trap ahead of big matchup with Ole Miss
  2. Tennessee – Vols have four big SEC tests, Florida’s jorts nation provides the first of these on Saturday.
  3. Ole Miss – It wasn’t Georgia Murder Ball but…
  4. Arkansas – I’m giving the trap game benefit of the doubt, but you better get it together. The Ags have a good defense.

They just want a table

  1. Texas A&M – The offense still looked like crap, but it starts to get murky here.
  2. Florida – That one-dimensional offense is going to be a problem.
  3. LSU – Sure they beat State. The stadium was loud.
  4. Mississippi State – I know this drop feels big but so was that punt.

Seriously, Flip a coin!

  1. Vanderbilt – Giving them the benefit of their record.
  2. Auburn – This season is headed off a cliff fast.
  3. South Carolina – If I played for them, I would have a Viagra NIL deal… just saying.
  4. Missouri – Go away.

Be Excellent To Each Other…

… unless you’re playing your rival, then give’em hell. PSA: Gators, they throw mustard bottles and golf balls now in Neyland for big games – prepare accordingly. And NO! Jorts and mullets aren’t proper protection. Otherwise have a great weekend and follow Bill and Teds most excellent advice. Oh, and subscribe to our podcast and follow our YouTube page.