Welcome to my week one overreaction, walk it back, crow eating ceremony – if that’s your preferred nomenclature. However, I would argue that the overreaction from week two is as equally insane. Exhibit A. Alabama.
There is a meltdown in Tideland and Bill O’Brien is in danger of walking the plank – after a huge road win in a hostile environment. To my delight – and probably yours – it only took two weeks for two of the biggest frauds in college football to be exposed. Here’s to you Notre Dame and Texas A&M. So, what can we really glean from the insanity that transpired? Well lucky for you, I’m here to glean.
If You Don’t Win By 30, Does it Even Count?
The answer to this question is: YES – unless of course, you live and die with the outcome of Crimson Saturdays. The phone lines are on fire in the Yellow Hammer State with screams to fire offensive coordinator, Bill O’Brien. First, let’s give the Finebaum Fringe some credit, BoB’s offensive gameplan leaves a lot to be desired. When the offense works, it seems only because of the talent – not an innovative game plan. However, and correct me if I’m wrong, doesn’t Alabama have at least one unexpected scare every season. Last year it resulted in a loss at Texas A&M. Maybe, this year it was just a scare in Austin?
Something tells me Alabama will be ok. Moreover, credit to Sarkisian for having a great gameplan. Former TCU headman, Gary Patterson, had the ‘Horns *down* defense playing at a high level. The atmosphere in Austin was electric and felt like a big time SEC matchup. That will be a fun trip for the SEC fanbases in the years to come. According to Will Anderson, it was the craziest he has witnessed.
On a day where Texas lost, they may have actually gained some respect in the ever-critical eyes of SEC fans. Heck, it was enough for the pollsters to vote them back into the AP Poll at 21 this week… after a loss! That’s insane. That’s a level of respect no other team in football garners.
While Texas was earning some stripes in Austin, their weird ass cult cousin was losing more face in College Station…
Jimbo Fisher is a Fraud
It’s been a rough ride for ol’ Jimbo since his trashing of the once proud Florida State football program. Covering the entire fall from grace would be novel worthy, so I’ll just start with this summer. I won’t even mention the mediocre results he’s produced since landing in College Station. Actually, who am I kidding… yes, I will. Jimbo currently has a worse record than Kevin Sumlin through his first 50 games – and that guy is now coaching Arena League.
Jimbo started the summer by calling out Saban for speaking honestly about A&M’s absurd spending on the recruiting trail. It was a very revealing character moment for Mr. Fisher. Instead of being a man and saying, yeah, I coach at the richest school in the country, and we have a network in place to recruit on a different level – heck, he could have even lied and said the money wasn’t being used on the front end to entice players – he threw a hissy fit and tried to destroy Saban’s character. It’s not like lying is anything new for the man. Which to my knowledge – DIDN’T WORK. So, he botched that.
At least the Rich Man’s Sumlin has the coming football season to show everyone who is boss, right? Nope, Jimbo and his encyclopedia Britannica playbook and plethora of 5-star talent just crapped their pants against Appalachian St. Yes, that’s the same Appy St team that took down mighty Michigan all those years ago. Also, this is the same team that gave up 60 points a week ago to an average North Carolina squad – while it should be noted, taking them to the wire. Jimbo – the man that is supposed to be an offensive guru – was only able to muster 14 points against a team that was FCS less than a decade ago. What the hell do you have written in that spiral notebook? You look like Coach Klein from “The Waterboy”.
Finally, how do Dude Cheerleaders Cultleaders in Overalls call Appalachian St. the “hillbillies”? I’m guessing the irony is lost on you? That has to be the most cringe-worthy cult ceremony in all of football history and you guys have been doing this for a 100 years. Seriously Aggies, WTF is going on at these Midnight Yell Practices, and why do people show up knowing full well what takes place there? I’m not questioning whether it’s weird… I’m telling you, THAT SHIT WAS WEIRD! It’s possible you are brainwashed by the cult and you really don’t know – in that case, STILL NOT SORRY! For those that don’t know of what I speak, take a second and view this video. Caution, you may feel the need for a shower after watching.
Is this Basketball Season?
When I look at rankings and see Kentucky at number 9, I can only surmise that it’s basketball season? Alas it is not, and the football version of the Wildcats may just be the real deal. After a sluggish start against Miami – of Ohio – and the Florida Gators’ big upset of Utah in the Swamp, all the hype was surrounding the Gators. Unfortunately for said Gators, they became the poster child for the week one overreaction.
We, I, or whoever, frankly all, believed the Gators to be back after their heroics against the Utes. I was – and still am – very high on what Billy Napier can do in Gainesville. However, Kentucky reminded us that Mark Stoops has built a solid program and the preseason pub was warranted. I thought for Kentucky to have a chance, the key was to stop the run and force Anthony Richardson to beat them – or as it turned out, try to beat them – with his arm. That’s exactly what they did, and Richardson couldn’t get anything going through the air. Kentucky proved they are a legit player in the SEC East. They also gave the rest of the league the blueprint for beating the Gators. Take notes Vols.
The Gators Robbed Us!
Had the Gators been able to beat Kentucky it would have set up the biggest matchup between Tennessee and Florida since the 1990’s. At that time, it was the biggest game in the SEC each year. Alas, the Gators failed to hold their end of the bargain and laid an egg against Kentucky. However, the Tennessee Volunteers continued their hopefully “real” comeback tour. I say real because if they duped us, it wouldn’t be the first time. The Vols went on the road and took care of Pitt in overtime. They appear to be a wildcard team this year. Hendon Hooker and that offense will scare any defense. On the flip side, their defense appears to be a group that will keep other teams in the game. Hence the wildcard comment. I predict a lot of shoot outs and a lot of antacid for the Vol Nation.
Time For the Leftovers
Ole Miss – I think they are good, but honestly, I don’t know. The pieces are there to make a run for second in the West. I’m excited to see the QB’s face a real Power 5 team even if its Georgia Tech. It’s a road game so it will give us a little more on this Rebel team. One thing I do know – and this may become a theme in this section – 17 year-old freshman Quinshon Judkins from Pike Road, Alabama is the best freshman running back at Ole Miss since a guy named Deuce McAllister.
Arkansas – Continual progress has become a theme under Sam Pittman. I told you last week that “Beamer Ball” was cute at South Carolina and wouldn’t work against real teams. I can’t say this often but… NAILED IT! I look for the Hogs, Rebs and Dogs to battle for the second spot in the West. Of course, that could all change next week. However, that secondary still has some questions and they lost pre-season 1st All-SEC pick, Jalen Catalon, for the season – further making that a vulnerable area for the Hogs.
Mississippi State – I’m not sure how many people have noticed – and it could be they play all their games at the hour of the owl – The Dogs are playing good football. They travel to Baton Rouge this weekend. Death Valley has been a house of horrors for State in the past. However, the last time the Dogs went down there with a senior QB – Dak Prescott- and a better team, they came home with a ‘w’. This Saturday, the Maroon Dogs have a serious chance to do it again. So much so, Vegas actually has them favored.
LSU is coming off a blowout of cross-town foe Southern University, which told us nothing. It will be interesting to see if Kelly has got the Tigers playing better than their first game clunker against FSU.
Auburn – Forewarning, we do a gambling pick segment on our podcast, and the Tigers handed me my first loss of the season. That means this analysis may be slightly jaded.
Auburn you aren’t very good. You have a solid defense and a vanilla offense. The QB situation with Finley and Ashford is bad. One is a mediocre passer, one is a mediocre runner, and both are very bad at the reverse. Your current coach would have been a great hire in 1982. If you would have listened to my cohost and me, you would be “Rowing the Boat” with the rest of the contenders. That’s on you for not listening to our show. We could see the Lee County Tigers, the Coon Ass Tigers and the Aggie Cult battle for last in the west. Thank you, football Santa!
Georgia, Missouri and Vanderbilt played football. One of them won. I’ll let you guess which. Fun fact, Georgia played Samford. Samford is in Alabama. If you see them play in person this year you will be treated to a short video on the jumbotron that was created by the awesome guys at Workspace Solutions. Those guys are really awesome…
Pettey’s Super Scientific SEC Rankings
Editors Note: These are not future projections but based off the weeks that were. So, expect crazy fluctuations for the first few weeks.
- Georgia – Not sure this needs justification.
- Alabama – I know everyone is salivating at the thought of a flawed Tide. Good luck with that.
- Kentucky – Last week I had Florida here. In the words of the great philosopher Rick Flair, “To be the man you got to beat the man”. The race for third this year will be fascinating.
- Arkansas – They handled some cocks this weekend.
- Tennessee – It took overtime after leading the whole game, but that was a solid road win versus a good Pitt team.
- Mississippi St. – Look out for Leach’s squad – he excels with senior laden teams.
- Ole Miss – Rebs get a chance to prove themselves a little more on the road this weekend.
- Florida – Offense was exposed after a big Utah win.
- Auburn – The drop off begins now. Auburn desperately needs to beat Penn St. at home this weekend.
- LSU – Only because they suck less than the teams under them.
- Vanderbilt – I know they lost to Wake Forrest this weekend, but Wake is solid and Vandy didn’t play horrible. This is a slightly better Vandy squad.
- South Carolina – They aren’t very good. Rattler has no weapons.
- Texas A&M – Welcome to this week’s addition of why are you in the SEC?! Prove me wrong Aggies. You just lost to Appalachian State… at home.
- Missouri – Your coach is weird and your team sucks. Can we vote these guys and the Aggies off the island now.
We Are Marshall
Death, Taxes and Notre Dame annually proving themselves as the biggest fraud in sports. This year it only took two weeks and at the hands of one of the better feel-good programs in college football, The Marshall Thundering Herd. It was glorious! Saturday, I think we all proudly wanted to say, “WE ARE MARSHALL”.
This article is dedicated to the Loving Memory of Scott Frost’s Coaching Career – RIP.
Thanks for reading and catch me next week. Also, if you find this at all entertaining you would love our Podcast, Week Zeros Sports and Other Stuff.
