In this column I will bring you my weekly musings from the week that was in college football.  It likely will be SEC heavy at times, because – well, they’re the king of the mountain right now.  However, I am a football dork, so I will discuss the entire landscape, even sprinkling in some glorious MACtion from time to time. On to thoughts…

This Week in the Big 12

Well, well… how the turntables. The SEC, the once mighty league of ferocious defenses – built to stop slow unimaginative offenses sans Steve Spurrier who smoked everyone for decade – has turned into the league it once routinely mocked for the basketball-esque scores it routinely produced. I’m looking at you B12

We should have expected this to some degree, with the additions of Lane Train and The Pirate. Wait… what’s this you’re telling me? The Pirate scored 2 points on Kentucky?!? Kentucky football?? Yikes!

To be fair, Bo Pelini is getting paid as I type this, seriously. At this point we can only assume he has a picture of someone prominent at LSU with a goat in a precarious pose.

I Got Mullened

I have spent so much time ragging on Jimbo for being overrated and watching Mullen do what many thought he would with better talent in Florida, I forgot the “Mullen Factor”. Ask any State fan, and they will tell you. Dan is good for one or two inexplicable losses a year – and yes, I’m calling Texas A&M inexplicable. They aren’t very good.

The “Mullen Factor” outweighed all others on this weekend and served as a solid wake up call. You should only trust the Gators under Dan so much. When Dan starts bitching about fans in a 1/3 full stadium, in a game he loses, you know he wasn’t prepared.

Speaking of filling the stadium, how about the “I’m an idiot” Karma dish of the week? Mullen begged for a full Swamp after the devastating effects of the A&M crowd last Saturday. He said his Governor was on board, and they wanted a full stadium for LSU this weekend. Hold on, news coming in… the Florida LSU game has been postponed due to a COVID-19 outbreak in The Swamp? Uh oh…. Enough said.

Congrats on the win Ags, I’m sure dude cheerleaders everywhere were ecstatic, and class rings were hoisted in the air with pride. I’m still not sold on you guys.

Auburn Fans Should Be Furious

Today the plains people should be 10 times more chapped than Walmart U. With the ever continuing incompetence of SEC refs – I will have to do a feature on that subject alone – and the magic of a Saturday night on the Native American Burial Grounds of Lee County, the refs completely screwed Arkansas out of a victory. If I’m an Auburn fan, I’m PISSED.

Hear me out. This hogwash notion, that you are somehow a “bad fan” if you want your team to lose, because you want to get rid of a lame duck coach, is laughable. You are actually a visionary fan that understands that sacrifices sometimes need to be made for the greater good of the program.

Take it from an Ole Miss fan. We had a game where a kid lifted his leg and fake tee-teed, somehow resulting in a huge win over our rival, all while scoring fewer points in said game. It was a short-lived embarrassment, and the Rebs now have hope for the first time since Freeze was tweeting scriptures from the boom-boom room.

What’s His Name is Better Than Jake from State Fromm

The-Quarterback-Whose-Name-IShall-Never-Remember, runs the puppydawg offense better than Jake from State Fromm. And UGA seems to be the only team in the league that understands the concept of tackling. However, they will get a much more formidable test when the pachyderms host them this weekend. No offense to the offensive juggernauts that are, Arkansas, Auburn and Tennessee, but Alabama’s offense is stupid good.

So much was made about the Ole Miss performance last Saturday, rightfully so, it was shocking. But on the other side, Bama was asked to score on every drive and did save two. I get the Rebel defense is hot garbage, but Mac’s accuracy would be hard to accomplish against air (insert “he pretty much did” joke hither) and Waddle is like catching cheat mode John Elway – normal ply, anyone? I expect to see a completely different showing from the Tide defense against a team running an offense much more tailored to their system and makeup.

With that said, outside a weird start to the season, Georgia has looked like the most complete team in the league. The defense absolutely took over the second half Saturday and seems to play pissed-off. The offense has looked more efficient with TQWNISNR running the offense. The numbers aren’t flashy, but he’s been efficient. And once again, UGA has a three-headed-freak trio of backs, led by Zamir White.

IS Tennessee Actually Back?


Coach O’Chizik

So, O’Chizik wants Pelini to dumb down the defense, huh? Once again, I question my decisions in life, and where I went wrong professionally, while witnessing the brilliance of events taking place on the Bayou. LSU has literally handed the reins to two of the three stooges, and they are giving them millions to do it. O’Chizick was a Houston Dale Nutt offensive coordinator hire from busting the floor out of the coaching bell curve.

“Yaw yaw yaw yawwww yaw yaw yawwww futbaw.”

Spitting Fire Around the SEC

Ole Miss just can’t help but be low down dirty cheaters. From buying players to being “Signal Burglars”. I would think they would win more with all the cheating they do. On the real, Lord Saban walked off that field and knew what he saw, and he knows what’s coming. Kiffin’s Powder Blue Lane Train may not ever get him (not many do), but it’s not going to be an easy game going forward.

Pig Sooie got laughed out of the room during hiring process. They missed on Kiffin, and seemed to settle on Sam Pittman. As of now, he looks like the second-best off-season hire and would be 2-1 right now if not for the rules of football and physics being different at the Native American Burial Ground.

Kentucky football beat Mississippi A&M 24-2 – not basketball, football. The Blue Cats scored all the points in the contest, didn’t give up any points on defense and didn’t get a shut-out. Sounds like a freaking riddle. Have I mentioned Bo Pelini should be fired?

I honestly don’t know what to say to the Mississippi State Bulldogs.  I expected a roller coaster, not a manic run off the plank. Leach is insanely outspoken; this has disaster written all over it. He is already talking about a purge, and we’ve heard rumblings that their best player is disgruntled.

Vandy and the Cocks played in a football game. I know this because I saw a score on the ticker stating as much. More people reported Bigfoot sightings this weekend than viewed this game.

The Other People that Play Football

The Red River Shootout was just that.  All you need to know is the over of 74.5 points covered. Those who watched the game and / or gamble understand just how ridiculous that is.

For those who don’t, here’s how it goes. With about 5 minutes to go, Boomer was up 31-17. For the mathematically challenged, that is a total of 48 points. Basically, I was screwed. I needed a Texas miracle and some overtime magic just to get close. So, a yeti full of Bloody Mary and a dip in the pool later, the crap happened. Good times were had by all… except maybe Matthew McConaughey.

We all wanted The U to give Clemson a game. Then the expected happened. Dabo, I assume you know this, but you would be an idiot to leave that conference.

Those beautifully dressed Tar Heels are number 8 and outlasted the Hokies last week. They don’t play Clemson unless meet in the championship. Sorry ACC, label me skeptical of the Heels.

I guess I’m supposed to give the Golden Domers some credence here being ranked number 5 in their first year in the ACC. On second thought, no, no I don’t, sorry Rudy.

Finally, I talked about the only game that mattered in the B12 and neither of those teams are ranked.

See you next week!