This article was written by a friend of Week Zero and host of the podcast My Mom Thinks You’re Dumb, Beau Ray, and doesn’t not necessarily represent the views of Week Zero.
I fully agree with, Belcalis Marlenis Almánzar, as she said it best. You know her as Cardi B. Yes, famous people have real names too. But she was totally right, and I didn’t listen to her.
I’d rather talk college football.
I would so much rather talk about Georgia vs Clemson – or how anemic Louisville looked against Ole Miss – or how amazing it is that Alabama consistently looks spectacular in season openers. They make it look easy, and it is not. Saban taught his best tight end a lesson during the Miami game. He “talked” several times to Billingsly – in an opener against maybe the second-best team in the ACC.
Then he got his backup two td’s to reenforce the idea that you can be replaced if you don’t do things right.
Great job coaching Coach O after the “sissy blue shirt” comment. Why does Ole Miss play Liberty this year? I mean what is the point of buyouts if not to prevent that lose / lose situation?
Was there any real difference between the Penn State vs Wisconsin game and the Clemson vs Georgia game? It is like the offensive coordinators draw up a play that will at most get five yards. Remember how Kiffin has signaled touchdown on the sidelines multiple times before a pass is thrown? Yeah, the four coordinators of those teams have never imagined that in their lives. I don’t mean signaling a TD during the play, I mean they don’t even think of that outcome. Like… in their wildest stupid 1970’s offensive minds, they have fantasies and wild ambitions that the play they called will result in positive yards – and in their wildest dreams maybe even a first down. Clemson rushed 24 times for a total of two yards and Georgia got sacks rushing only three guys. Scary Bulldog defense.
Again, Coronavirus Sucks
I would like to talk about all of that, but I can’t because I have either intense chills or feel about 105 degrees and those two alternate every time I have a thought. Also, you know how nice it is to hug your wife or pat your child’s head? You can’t do that because you would be giving them this horrible virus.
Pizza rolls are the only thing that have taste. I’m not sure people reading that got the true dire consequences of that last statement. Imagine, if you will, a world in which the only thing you have gotten a mild taste from was freaking pizza rolls. I don’t want to sound bougie or whatever but pizza rolls?!? The world tastes like sand.
Henry Fonda and Covid Brain
I have nothing to do but get my money’s worth out of my Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, and Disney monthly bills. On Golden Pond still holds up. Seriously, I don’t care about public opinion, but how dare you do not respect Henry Fonda and Katharine Hepburn! There is probably a sector of readers who don’t get that reference. Shocker! If you have the attention span to read, then you should go watch On Golden Pond. It won like 19 Oscars. I could watch Henry Fonda pick blueberries for hours.
BTW Tom Hanks was totally right about that band needing to change their name to The Wonders rather than The Oneders.
Man, how cool would it be to have a sword named after you? Dammit, The Princess Bride is the greatest movie ever! I actually forgot that Fred Savage was in it! That’s how amazing this movie is, for real! Billy Crystal is so great! Andre the Giant… I will never forgive Terry “Hulk” Hogan for joining the NWO. Never. Who cares less for the long-term wellbeing of their employees than Vince McMahon? Maybe, Roger Goodell?
Seriously, I just want to feel better and keep this virus away from my family. The thing is, I am fully vaccinated. Vaccinated, I thought meant you were immune to something, but apparently it does not. I blame Pettey for putting the whole “breakthrough” thing with Kiffin in my mind – thereby weakening my psyche. I spoke to my doctor about why I feel like a bag of microwaved trash when I have been vaccinated. My doctor informed me that there is about a 99% chance it would be much worse if I weren’t vaccinated.
Honestly, this is the worst sickness I have experienced in my memory. Just for reference, I’ve had spinal meningitis and West Nile, also thanks to Pettey. This virus sucks and I pray that I feel better tomorrow. Also, thank God my son tested negative. I also pray that you and your family never get this virus because, trust me, it is a serious problem. I just want to get back to football and normal life.