We decided the historical name of this article, “picks”, was lazy, and since we are so good at it, we have hence forth dubbed this section Week Zero Winners. Don’t forget to give our Podcast a listen!
This Week In the SEC
5 Georgia @ Kentucky +17 o/u 42.5, Noon, Jefferson Pilot, Churchill Downs
Pettey: Kentucky looked decent until they didn’t last week against Mizzou. UGA does what they do. Beat everyone except Bama. Week Zero Winner: Jaw-ja
Jaw-ja 42 – Kats 13
Michael: Let’s face it. It’s Georgia and Florida in the east. Kentucky has a serviceable defense, and to give them credit, they are a formidable team for most. Georgia also has a pretty good d. Unfortunately, I don’t expect Kentucky’s defense to hold up to the “would have been innovative in 1955” offensive scheme that the puppies bring to the table every week. Week Zero Winner: The Dawgs
Dawgs 37 – Blue Cats 17
LSU @ Auburn +1.5 o/u 64, 3:30 E, CBS, Native American Burial Grounds
Pettey: No effing shot anyone wins in Auburn with the first full moon on a Halloween in 76 years. It doesn’t take any of that for you to get screwed in Burial Grounds. LSU you have ZERO chance… ZERO! Every dark element of life will be against you, which includes the refs. Week Zero Winner: Indian Spirits
Indian Spirits 42 -LSU VooDoo 41
Michael: Do I even have to write this. Coach O’chizik is a terrible coach. However, they seem to have found the second coming of Scam Newton with the GIANT freshman QB they started last week. So much for “MilesBrennensarrrqwatrbuk”, coach O. What took you so long to play this kid? This QB has the kind of size and talent that could save a terrible coach’s job for another year or two. HOWEVER, this game is being played on the most mysterious location known to man, yes, the #NABG of Lee County. A big ol qb helps, but it just isn’t enough to defeat the native spirits of our land, even if Auburn is bad this year. Week Zero Winner: Awbrun Eagles
Tiger Queens 44 Eagles 46
Ole Miss @ Vandy +17.5 o/u64. 4:00 E, SECN, Nashville
Pettey: I may be the only person I know that watches this one. I’m not sure why I’m confident here. Ole Miss is the one team Vandy beats from time to time. Enjoy this one Rebs may be the last for a while. Week Zero Winner: Rebearsharks™
Rebearsharks™ 72 – Vandy 12.5 (sad stat ill explain later)
Michael: I see your stat Pettey. I also think Vandy continues said streak, but I’ll wait for you to explain this one on the podcast. The only thing in the SEC that might be worse than Vandy, is the Ole Miss defense. But, Vandy is #14 in the SEC this year for a reason. Ole Miss gets their 2nd conference ‘W’ of the Lane Kiffin era, while helping that Vandy ‘O’ with their confidence. Week Zero Winner: The Rebs
Rebels 48 Vandy 29
Mississippi State @ 2 Alabama -31 o/u63.5, 7:00 E, ESPN, T-Town
Pettey: No one told us the Pirate would ride the Titanic to Starkville. Players leaving in mass. Seems like a good time to catch Bama. Week Zero Winner: Bama
Bama – Whatever they want – State 0
Michael: With Waddle out for the season, like a couple of the ESPN blowhards (talking to you David Pollack), I think Bama just doesn’t have the chops to win this year without him. I mean, on a team like this, with so little talent, you just can’t lose a star player like that. Let’s be honest, Waddle was one of the most valuable players in college football. The loss will impact the offense, but it’s not like the cupboard is dry. Slade Bolden is a very serviceable slot, and I bet there is a true freshman, who has been turning a lot of heads in practice, getting warmed up (I don’t want to spoil the surprise – so we will talk about this next week on the pod). Week Zero Winner: The Tide
Bama 52 – MSU 13
Arkansas @ 8 Texas A&M -13.5 o/u 54, 7:30 E, SECN, College Station
Pettey: Vegas believes in Jimbo more than I. Odom has Arky defense playing well enough to keep it in the number. Week Zero Winner: Aggies
Dude Cheerleaders 24 – Arky 17
Michael: Don’t underestimate the pigs. Don’t overestimate the farmers. I see this one playing out exactly as Vegas has predicted. This line is a toss-up. If I had to pick, I’d take the aggies since they are playing at their cult gathering. Week Zero Winner: Those who don’t attend the cult gathering
Pigs 20 – Farmers 34
Missouri v 10 Florida -12.5, o/u 61.5, 7:30 E, SECN, Swamp
Pettey: Mizzou has been playing well under the Drink. Ima call him that because it’s easier than typing his name. Florida has had “the Covid” and their defense has been rough his year. Give me the points. However, I believe they will score a few more. Week Zero Winner: Gators
Gators 45 – Mizzou 41
Michael: The gators have been on an extended “bye week”. I wonder if they plan on packing the Swamp? Hmmm. Coach Dan, any thoughts on this? So far this year, teams that come off a COVID break look to have a slight edge. I think Florida has more talent. I think Mullen gets the best of “The Drink” (nice work Pettey, I’m on board) this year, but I’m taking the Tigas in the fugure. Mizzu is on the up and up with the thirsty man at the helm. I like the ‘best tigers in the SEC’ to keep it within the number. Week Zero Winner: UF’s COVID Bye Week
#1 Tigers 27 – Swamp Lizards 35
Other Notable Games
3 Ohio St. @ 18 Penn St. +10.5 o/u 64, 7:30 E, ABC, Happy (Debatable) Valley
Pettey: THE Ohio St. (so dumb) dominated Nebraska and Penn St. lost to Indiana. It could be Nebraska sucks and Penn St. had 100 turnovers, but I think Franklin maxed out at PSU last year. Ohio St. rolls. Week Zero Winner: Buckeye
Buckeye 52 – Cowardly Lions 24
Michael: Nebraska put together an opening drive that showed us what this OSU defense is really all about. They have holes. What is a nitany lion anyway? Oh right, it’s not a real thing… cool. The boys in blue couldn’t stop giving the ball away last week. Somehow, with 7 turnovers, they still almost saved the ‘W’, but they still lost to the juggernaut that is Indiana. So that’s why this line is stupid weird to me. Any casual observer would have put this line at 20, at least. So why is it 10.5? Vegas clearly sees this as a better matchup than PSU’s performance last week would indicate. I think PSU defense is much better than Nebraska, even without their star LB – who was just too good to play football for his team this year. I hope the draft scouts are taking note. OSU will be too much for the kitties, but I’m hoping for a decent game. Week Zero Winner: VEGAS
The Just Another OSU 37 – Fictional Cats 27
Texas @ 6 Oklahoma St. -3.5 o/u 58.5, 4:00 E, Fox, T. Boone Pickensville
Pettey: Oklahoma St is the only undefeated team in the Big 12 and they have been doing it with defense. Something Texas doesn’t play. This year has been stupid in that league. Give me stupid. Week Zero Winner: Jaw-ja
Texas 52 – Mullet Dork 49
Michael: I hate it when I put in all the work of writing this article, then realize I’m in a dream. Well that’s clearly what is going on here, because I’m seeing a B12 o/u that is under 60. What in the holy hell is going on? Oh yeah, clearly I’m dreaming. Might as well pick it anyway.
Texas 24 – Another OSU 30 (unless it goes to OT, then UT 50 OSU 58)
