Hockey’s Rushmore

This is an actual conversation about hockey’s Mt. Rushmore between two great / absurd / heinous / despicable / inspiring / principled / hard hitting people who are definitely in Hell:

Today, Ghengis Kahn and Sonny Liston spoke in the great fiery lake….

Ghengis: Okay so if you’re doing a Mount Rushmore of hockey, then who would…

Sonny Liston: Wait, why would you need a Rushmore? If any sport deserves the Lincoln Memorial, then it’s that one!

Ghengis: So, Gordie Howe doesn’t exist? You go tell a Canadian that Mr. Hockey or even Jaromir Jágr didn’t play hockey?

Sonny Liston: Why would Canadians care about great hockey players from Canada not named Gretzky more than any other player who ever played? We’re not even discussing the Czech Republic.

Genghis: Mr. Hockey is from Canada!

Sonny Liston: Gordie is but Jágr wasn’t! What’s your point? Only one counts!

Genghis: So, we both know that if you have a slab of rocks and you are thinking about breaking out your skills…

Sonny: I mean if you just so happen to have a chisel nearby.

Genghis: I mean. If you are breaking out the chisel, then you know you are starting with Wayne “Muffin” Gretzky!

Sonny: That Dude was to the NHL what Genghis Kahn was to the Eurasian step!

Genghis: Why do you do this?

Sonny: What?

Genghis: I mean, we are both in the club.

Sonny: Yeah! I know right!

Genghis: No, Sonny don’t you – yeah right me – right now! There aren’t any cameras in here! It’s just you and me talking. So, why would you pimp me out like this comparing my mass atrocities to the way Wayne Gretzky, figuratively, carved opponents up? Remind me, did Wayne Gretzky commit genocide?

Sonny: Man forget you! Just because you live in Canada now doesn’t mean you know shat. I was trying to make your “glass is half empty” outlook on life wake the heck up and realize that you are like Gretzky!

Genghis: Bull crud! I could never be half the man Attila was!

Sonny: Attila was the GOAT you bitch boy – wait… oh. You are getting me off topic, so if there was a Mount Rushmore of Mongolian Kahn’s who didn’t smell good?

Genghis: Fuck you Sonny! Like you smelled good you son of a… Enjoy America in the 1950’s.

Sonny: Alright GK keep living without bathing… bastard!

This has been great conversation from Hell.