This article was written by a friend of Week Zero and host of the podcast My Mom Thinks You’re Dumb, Beau Ray, and doesn’t not necessarily represent the views of Week Zero.

No Sports

My life was crushed on Tuesday night. More on this later. I’ll get back to sports next week.

Bernie Queen

The passing of Prince Phillip in April got me thinking. Who knew he was still alive? I don’t mean that in a callous way. It is just that he didn’t come out in public very often. Which again got me thinking about the Queen. If something were to happen to her, how long could her assistants get away with a Weekend at Bernie’s situation? I’m guessing at most six or seven years.

Stroller Dogs

There is a serious problem in this country, and I am afraid it is getting worse. Dogs aren’t people. I don’t need to be wished Merry Christmas on a family card from a dog. Do you know why I don’t need that? Because it is a dog and therefore knows nothing of the baby Jesus’ birth. I have a dog and I love him, but it is a dog. When you walk around the block or basically anywhere with your dog, the dog should walk. Stop carrying your dog or putting it in a stroller!

Norm Macdonald

I don’t know what to say. He was the greatest comedian of our lives. Last week, I said that I could watch Henry Fonda pick blueberries for hours. That was a direct homage to a line Norm once said in response to being roasted for liking Henry Fonda.

The whole of his SNL Jeopardy skits, including the weekend update, the stand up, the tv show, Dirty Work, every appearance on Conan or Letterman, everything – everything he did was magical to me. There is a reason why Don Rickles, Adam Sandler, Chevy Chase, and hundreds of other funny people all respect and appreciate his work. Norm was brilliant and he will be missed greatly. Rather than end on that, I will share just a few of my most favorite jokes I ever heard which were of course said by the great Norm Macdonald.

Norms thoughts on the excitement of having a son:

On acting:

Things were hard as an actor because you had to remember all of your lines just in case the other guy got his right.

And, Saigon whores:

Things could be worse, I guess. I mean at least I didn’t have my nose bitten off by some Saigon whore!

God Bless Norm, he will be greatly missed.