The Gators gave the Pachyderms a scare, and the boys from the barn let us all down – so much for those “S-E-C S-E-C” chants. On the bright side, the Northeast can now share in our hate for SEC referees, as they got a taste of what we deal with every single week.
We aren’t going to blow smoke up your exit hole – this week’s slate of games SUCKS. But that’s no reason to take the week off. CAUTION: Bring your sense of humor or you may leave with a hurting butt. It’s time for this week’s edition of Week Zero Winners.
Missouri @ Boston College +1.5 | o/u 58| Noon E | ESPN2 | Up North
Pettey: I admittedly haven’t seen three plays from Mizzou this year. From my limited research the BC QB went down and that will relegate their offense to being one dimensional. I assume that’s why Mizzou is favored. With as little faith as I could possibly have… give me Mizzou.
Week Zero Winner: Mizzou 31 – BC 29
Michael: Back to the “no smoke” comment from earlier, I haven’t watched or handicapped either of these teams. Hell, a coin flip is better than most people can do in gambling anyway – and there is proof. So, here goes nothing… HEADS IT IS.
Week Zero Winner: Black Tiger Queen 34 – Bean Town 16
LSU @ MSU +2.5 | o/u 56.5 | Noon E | ESPN | Starkvegas
Pettey: LSU has more talent and State is better coached. Sate is coming off a screw job in Memphis. And the boys from Red Stick have a history of suck at 11 am on the road. Give me the home team with better coaching. However, I don’t feel good about this one.
Week Zero Winner: Bell Ringers 24 – Red Stick 21
Michael: DING DONG THE WITCH <Coach O> IS DEAD. Let’s make it 2 in a row, bulldogs! I’m going to keep calling for LSU to lose every game, because by my calculations, that’s better than a 50 / 50 bet. Bring your earplugs. This will be deafening. If you’ve been listening to the pod, you know that actually matters this year.
Week Zero Winner: Pirate Ship 27 – Dead Men Walking 21
(2) UGA @ 20 Vandy +35 | o/u 53 | Noon E | SECN | Nashville
Pettey: Georgia has played some bad teams the last few weeks so I keep saying the same thing. Can they score 35. The Cocks of Carolina South acted like their namesake and scored a garbage td to cover the spread. The cocks have more of a pulse than Vandy so give me the points. Wow the East sucks.
Week Zero Winner: UGA 42 – Vandy 0
Michael: UGA by 1 million. Do I really need to analyze Vandy? No… the answer is no. I’m giving Vandy 3 here because I think UGA will screw up bad enough on offense to score them a few points.
Week Zero Winner: UGA 44 – Vandy 3
7 A&M @ 16 Arky +4.5 | o/u 47 | 2:30 E | CBS | Dallas not Delivrance
Pettey: A battle of two of the stranger fan bases in the SEC. The plastic pig hat wearers vs the cult that takes way too much pride in their weird dude cheerleaders. B1G fans will love this game. The over under is 47 for a reason. Neither team can throw and they both play good defense. I have a feeling A&M plays it better and exposes how one dimensional the hogs are this weekend.
Week Zero Winner: Cult 21 – Pig Hats 10
Michael: I haven’t watched a Southwest Conference game since the early 90’s and I’m not going to start this week. But if I did, this is how it would go (that O.J. dig is for you Norm, R.I.P.): Texas A&M couldn’t run through a wet paper bag, and sans their “qb”, it just gets worse. The pigs are going to be oinking in Dallas, and they are going to bring the W back home to the pigsty.
Week Zero Winner: TAMU 16 – Pigs 17
UT @ 11 Florida -20.5 | o/u 63.5 | 7:00 E | ESPN | Jortville
Pettey: If you are reading this and have paid any attention to me the first three weeks of the season, take my pick and do the opposite.
Week Zero Winner: Jorts 35 – Rocky Top 20
Michael: Bama hangover is real. Too bad Tennessee is not. The only thing Tennessee has going for them is the perceived rivalry and the fact that Florida took an emotional loss last week. Again, shouldn’t matter because Tennessee Sucks…
Week Zero Winner: Florida Man 45 – Tennessee Jed 21
USM @ 1 Bama -45 | o/u 58 | 7:30 E | SECN | Title-Town
Pettey: I spoke on Bama script games. This is another with a certain team I cheer for coming to town the following weekend. If Bama covers it won’t be because Saban wants them too, it will be Southern is that bad.
Week Zero Winner: Bama 52 – Mustard Buzzards 10
Michael: Alabama will beat Southern Mississippi this weekend. I know, shocker…
Week Zero Winner: Tide 44 – Eagles 3
12 Golden Domers @ 18 Wisky -6.5 | o/u 46 | Noon E | Fox | Soldier Field
Pettey: Taking Wisky by a TD over any team with a pulse is nerve wracking with their offense. I’m not sure ND has that much of a pulse.
Week Zero Winner: Wisky 21- Domers 14
Michael: If you want my feelings on the Fighting Irish, see Tennessee above. Despite the fact that Wisky is a slow, old-school team, they’ll still muster enough to win this one by a TD.
Week Zero Winner: Wisky 30 – TD Haysoos 23
Hope you enjoy your football weekend, and may the odds ever be in your favor!